Deceptively clean hands
I washed my hands earlier and what appeared to me to be clean hands was deceptive … drips of brown waters were running down my fingers onto the ceramic sink.
Then I thought, wow, my sins are like those dirty drops of water. How often do we live our daily lives thinking we are at our best as a Christian when we are probably just fooling ourselves into believing it was true so we wouldn’t have to try so hard? Maybe that’s why God brings people into our life to remind us of our imperfect humanity … to purge us of the thoughts that we couldn’t ever do or be wrong … to set our feet back down on solid ground. Guess sometimes we shouldn’t build ourselves up so high either.
My husband asked me the other day what one quality of Christ I desire most … and it’s hard to decide because, well, He was PERFECT and of course I’d want all His qualities. But perhaps what I’d want most at this moment is a compassionate heart to love others. I think sometimes I get so wrapped up in apathy towards people and things around me that it’s a challenge just to muster a fake smile some days. My heart needs a lot of work – can you tell?!
Then I thought, wow, my sins are like those dirty drops of water. How often do we live our daily lives thinking we are at our best as a Christian when we are probably just fooling ourselves into believing it was true so we wouldn’t have to try so hard? Maybe that’s why God brings people into our life to remind us of our imperfect humanity … to purge us of the thoughts that we couldn’t ever do or be wrong … to set our feet back down on solid ground. Guess sometimes we shouldn’t build ourselves up so high either.
My husband asked me the other day what one quality of Christ I desire most … and it’s hard to decide because, well, He was PERFECT and of course I’d want all His qualities. But perhaps what I’d want most at this moment is a compassionate heart to love others. I think sometimes I get so wrapped up in apathy towards people and things around me that it’s a challenge just to muster a fake smile some days. My heart needs a lot of work – can you tell?!
posted by pazzhamilton at 2:37 PM
1 Comments:
I'm surprised I can actually access this at work. I can't access Xanga here because it's "journaling", and they've blocked the site...but anyway, I was just thinking about what you've written about in these two posts. Today, I couldn't help but notice how apathetic I've become in my time with God. I've always been really bad with my quiet times, but I tried really hard at the beginning of the school year to make time for a small quiet devotion. I have been slipping, and I feel like I'm gravitating towards senseless abandonment. My classes are driving me nuts. I'm always exhausted. And I want to just give up. I wanted to love each of my students with all the love I could give, but now, there's nothing left but apathy for them. Seriously...I feel like giving them apathy back because that's what they give me. And I know it's so wrong! It's just hard because I want to give so much, but I'm receiving so little in return, and in teaching, the students have to give the same that we teachers give. *sigh* My original goal for them was to pray for each student every single day...and with no quiet time, I don't even do it. I feel like such a fraud sometimes...like I'm always cheating them of a good and Christ-like teacher. And I sense it comes from the deepest, most inner parts of me and not just the pedagogy I've acquired over the past few years of college. *sigh* I feel I'm losing it...and I feel like such a fraud!
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