Update on my 2012 List

I'm not tooting or untooting my own horn. I just have to keep track of this stuff lest I forget. I've already forgotten one extra new thing I ate - my mind is very forgetful these days. Anyway, 2 1/2 months into 2012 and looks like I still have a lot of work to do.

·         Find a new place to go hiking.
·         Put my head completely under water at least 5 times.
·         Have dinner alone.
·         Make a new recipe at least once a month (that's 12 new meals this year).
      o   January – baked chicken nuggets
·         Organize Toccoa's paper things since birth.
       o   Separated into folder; just need to organize
·         Send a card or letter to someone once a month through snail mail.
       o   January – Uncle & Auntie Lala
·         Keep a daily (weekly if not daily) journal of Toccoa's life. I did this the first year and stopped.
·         Organize all my photos and burn to CDs and clean out computer and hard drive files.
·         Declutter and get rid of things (everything and everywhere in the house) -- and live simply!!
·         Watch my portions.
·         Find time to play piano more often.
       o   March 16
·         Spend quality time with each of my nephews and niece and parents.
·         Make a music video of Toccoa singing.
·         Take a train ride.
·         Go rock climbing.
·         Make desserts for Dave at least 3 times (that's just once every 4 months - c'mon, surely I'd be able to pull that off!).
       o   February – Strawberry shortcake for Valentine’s Day
·         Take a sewing class ... and make something Toccoa can actually wear.
·         Pay off my student loans off before summer.
       o   Paid off in March!!
·         Go on a weeklong vegeterian meal plan at least 4 times during the year.
·         Cut a pineapple.
        o   Done in January
·         Eat 10 food items I've never eaten before.
       o   Ecuador: Cornuts, cherry tomato that tasted like a grape
·         Do at least 5 new things with/for Toccoa (these are just ideas I'm writing down so I don't forget)
        o   March – underwater egg hunt
        o   March – Paul Mesner puppet show of “Rapunzel”
        o   April – plant a tree
        o   April – theatre production of “Sleeping Beauty”
        o   June – Shatto Farms family day
        o   October – run a kids’ marathon
        o   Teach Toccoa to bike standing up
        o   KidScape at Joco Museum
        o   Ceramic Painting
·         Put monies into a credit union.
·         Take a class - any kind of class about anything.

What could've been

I caught a glimpse of what my life would've been like ... and I felt a peace and curiousity.

Peace because I suppose it wasn't meant to be ... it wasn't meant for me.

Curiousity because I wonder if I would've been very good at that life. At being his wife.

I don't eat squirrel. I don't know how to cook fish. I can't kill chickens. I would've made a terrible daughter-in-law. And to some Hmong families, a good daughter-in-law is a trophy the whole family gets to wave around in public and brag about.

I'm really not the domesticated type. Dave reminds me of that all the time ... yet, he knew that about me when he married me. I don't yell at him about the cars needing maintenance or the trash needs taking out. But he likes to remind me all the time about what a terrible wife I am ... and that I should be like other wives. Going as far as naming the ladies too. Yeah, buddy, that's really gonna get me to do stuff for you.

I don't know why I hate domesticated stuff. Maybe this isn't the life for me. Maybe I'm not cut out for wife things. I think I'm a great mom ... but I just have to keep things in order, have fun and make sure Toccoa is learning. I don't have time to balance being a wife on top of that. And I hardly have time to find time to like myself these days.

So lately I've thought about what could've been ... should I have been that lonely self-martyr I always thought I'd die young as? Life is pretty easy now because I hardly do anything, but had I married young, would I have been a better wife than I am today, or would I have hated my life of wife and daughter-in-law slavery?

I don't know. I wish I gave a crap. And maybe ... that'll be my downfall.