Shredding some loneliness

I thought adolescence and my teenage years were hard. I thought it was the biggest challenge in my life when I was still single and longing for a man to love. But it seems the older I get, the harder life gets. The more I start to understand myself, the more I realize I really don’t know anything at all.

Always referring to Rich Mullins’ words of wisdom, why does loneliness have to be a part of our experience in life? Why couldn’t it dissipate with love and joy … but instead in the very same breath of our love and happiness, we still sense that loneliness. It’s almost like in that split second after we laugh, we realize, “This moment is wonderful and I never want it to end. But I know it will, and I know I can’t hold on to it.” And already in that thought, we’re sad for the moment that will pass. We’ve already encountered that lonely feeling in our heart because we know the joy will eventually slip away.

In a poor attempt to cover my emotional losses of that very loneliness, I have relied heavily on being in love to get me through. But even in our most intimate moments and thereafter, I still feel lonely. Because I know that human love could never take the place of the natural brokenness in man’s heart that God instilled in each of us. Because if we loved and enjoyed the world too much, we’d love and enjoy God less. And it almost seems unfair … but then again, how unfair would it be for Him to lose out on His own creation’s praises and adoration?

What am I guilty of? I’m guilty of loving this world and the things in it too much and focusing too little on God.